My mind has been swirling with thoughts lately. Blog post ideas… books.. groups… When my mind swirls I write things down on post-its and little slips of paper that adorn my existence and create trail of mind leaking bread crumbs.
So there was a time that I thought I might have A.D.D. but maybe I’m just driven. Sometimes the driver takes left turns.
So here are some thoughts on summer (mind you this is being written after my mind was fried by middle schoolers at our MS Service tonight)…
1) I would like to write an ode of sorts to the fact that the GFGs are celebrating our 10 year anniversary this all.. it will likely come in blog form and divulge some of our best kept secrets like any good memoir would. Teaser.. I think so.
2) I would like to finally post pictures of our house, perhaps have a much belated house warming party.
3) In conjunction with said pictures and party, I really need to finish unpacking as well as putting away. I also need to pick a color of paint now that I have two samples of paint on a wall.
4) Join a gym. Come on.
5) I am looking forward to enjoying Portland and VanCamougal this summer. I can’t wait for the hippie in me to come out (she still believes in shaving though) and walk to Farmer’s market. Good people watching times.
6) I’m going to grow some veggies in my urban garden and feast on them before the squirrels get them.
7) I’m going to not kill a squirrel. I’m going to instead spend lots of quality time with my favorite Matt and my favorite Owen and my favorite Griffin and if we are lucky… the sun.
8.) Plan a get together with friends I haven’t seen in years.
9) I want complete some major projects at work.. from signing the building to helping our team communicate well and effectively.
10) Lots and lots of fun times with the young people at Grace. Looking forward to some crazy good times from camp to groups to everything in between. Woot.
I’m going to need some sunblock and maybe a Venti unsweetened passion ice tea. I like it because it is pink.
So I wrote awhile back about questions. They are good for the most part. The only bad questions are not the ones not asked but the ones in which you already know the answer (Will this hurt? Yes, you are holding your hand over a stove burner).
When doubt creeps in, it can take a few different forms. Good, Bad, Ignorant I’m sure there are more but this is my blog and my thoughts so we’ll end the list there.
Good doubt really comes in the form of questions and knowing that God is in control and has a purpose. This doubt seeks who God is in our question. Good doubt seeks to know God’s purpose in our situation. It brings us back to God. The Bible continually beckons us to reason with God (Isaiah 1:18) to test what people have spoken or prophesied (1 John 4:1) and gives us examples with those who wrestled with God (Gen 32:34) or looked for God when they did not understand their circumstance. Good doubt.
Bad Doubt.. is doubting who God is in general. How great His love is, how powerful he is, how far his reach is in our lives. There are plenty of accounts in the Bible for that as well as around us.
Ignorant doubt.. I know it sounds the same as bad but it isn’t. Often we think we know the power, love, and depth of who God is but we haven’t even scratched the surface. We believe blindly without fully knowing who He is. We create boxes and limitations around God. We forget he created us, sent Jesus to redeem us, and the Holy Spirit to do amazing things in and with us. We think that if we don’t put someone’s full name and situation in a prayer request that God couldn’t move. We think we need state our giftings and accomplishments because God hasn’t made them evident in us. We open doors to things that we were never meant to see. We doubt God. Not because we don’t love him, but we don’t full know and trust him.
I say we because I know I am just as guilty. I have moments that I wonder if I am doing this with or for or without God! Then in humility I remember that God knit me in my mother’s womb (Psalm 139), he sent Jesus to die for my sins, and that he called me to minister and do a great many things. He put the dreams I have in my heart and the passions that have brought me down this journey of life. I can trust him in all things and all situations. I will continue to wrestle with the idea of faith, keep trying to not pretend I know it all, and love God.
So in the last month.. I’ve been a bit busy.. For example: first there was Easter and in the church world whether you are involved a lot or a little there is much to be done. Then I, with an amazing team, pulled off a 12-25 ladies dinner/dessert event (Graceful) that was awesome. Dinner was fantastic, Kim Fader sang beautiful, Christina Gard knocked it out of the park with a message to our young ladies about beauty, and it felt like a win. I think somewhere in there was a trip to Seattle for a bridal shower and a wind symphony concert in Centralia. I also learned how to develop and publish a website (really the folks at Clover take care of the hard stuff and then the rest is writing and picture selection). I also followed directions meticulously and did not destroy our staff’s email and web presence while changing name servers. AND I still don’t have a firm grasp on what a name server is but I am okay with the fact I didn’t destroy a major part of our communication! I also almost figured out html and sending an html email. I know it sounds like I am tooting my own horn (yes tooting)… but I’m not.. I’m pretty God had a hand in every detail.. because between team building and IT skills I’m not that talented. It is good to know that God had his hand all over it and to make sure to dedicate it to him. Why?
Here’s why: For every praise I got over the last month.. someone else having a bad day or life or mood thought I did crummy.. or at least made sure to point out things they didn’t like. And if they didn’t say it.. they are around every corner thinking it. Scary right? No. My worth.. not in what those people think.
Now there is definitly a difference between constructive criticism and what I was describing above. Are people saying things out of love? Have I asked for it (literally)? Are they someone I trust, watching my blind spot for me?
Now I reflect on that today as the website launched this weekend. I’m proud. It is a fun challenge and I intend to continue my pursuit of growth. Was there notsoloving criticism.. yes.. but that’s okay. I don’t live for Negative Nelly. I live for God. I work for God. I do it to see people come to know Jesus, grow in their faith, get connected and learn to be leaders. My worth is in Christ alone. That is a safe place.